Chapter 8 Connecting, Reconnecting & Technology

The Healing Project Book

By Dennis Lantz

Chapter 8  

Connecting, Reconnecting & Technology

Books can alter the course of our lives. In 1995, my friend Mark introduced me to the writings of Dr. Wayne Dyer. We were staying in the woods for the summer, as recounted in my book. Summer in Gentlewoods. Reading Dr. Dyer’s books, Your Erroneous Zones, The Sky is the Limit and You’ll See It When You Believe It opened my mind to ideas that became foundational in my life. They were my appetizers to the gourmet meal of self-help.  Over the years, as Dr. Dyer went deeper into the world of the spirit with each of his books… I tagged along in his shadow. I did not understand everything. Certain things resonated with my soul more than others. Because of his writing, I understand the value of compassion, serendipity, and inspiration. Because of his writing, I know that worrying is a waste of time. Because of his writing, I try to spread more love, kindness, joy, and peace to those I encounter.    

Many books have changed my perception of life. Of reality. But as I grew older, there were less of them. Until early 2020, when I read Johann Hari’s Lost Connections. I do not have the same political leanings or social beliefs as Mr. Hari. But that didn’t lessen the impact of his book about the causes and treatment of depression. And, just a couple of years later, I would have the same reaction to his book, Stolen Focus. Hari’s words and ideas were like soul food. For completely different reasons. I will write about Stolen Focus later. But first Lost Connections.

Even before I purchased Lost Connections, I was intrigued by him and his book.  I watched interviews when he appeared on Tucker Carlson’s show and other news programs. The acknowledgement that our social connections have deteriorated to a point of concern fascinated me more than his suggested solutions.  The book shed light on Hari’s personal journey to discover a cause and cure for his depression. The premise of the book rings the bell of truth loudly. Our society can only improve if we reestablish the social bonds that hold it together. Trust is vital for a strong society, but connections are the underpinnings of human existence. Without them, the future is in jeopardy.

Because of his personal struggle with depression, Hari sought the truth about anti-depressants and the pharmaceutical industry. He outlined how and why some companies lie to consumers and obfuscate data. More importantly, he showed that there are alternatives to drugs that are of more benefit to a large number of those currently on medication. And he highlighted some of the proponents within the psychological world who are expanding the boundaries to institute these non-pharmaceutical methods.

As I mentioned earlier, I do not take drugs well. I can only thank God that I do not understand the depths of depression that some people do. And that I do not have to rely on pharmaceuticals for my well-being. I feel that sincerity deep within my soul. I am not anti-pharmaceuticals as long as they help you heal.   

As fascinating as Hari’s documented journey for answers was, there was a lesser theme in his book that inspired me more. He believes, as do I, that human to human connections have deteriorated at an alarming rate due to the same technology that was supposed to make us feel more connected. (The role of technology in our social disintegration is the primary theme of his book, Stolen Focus.)

Hari’s Lost Connections inspired me to change my own social life. I have always considered myself a slowly reforming introvert. I enjoy being around people. In small numbers. And selectively. After I finished writing my novel, Pine Street and the Mighty Mutation Circus, I was suddenly aware that I had free time to devote to other endeavors. The Healing Project was in its rudimentary stages, so I had not yet declared all my time for that dream. Lost Connections made me understand that my soul yearned for something deeper. I wanted to create and share connections with other humans.

In March of 2020 I joined Facebook… exclusively as a method to promote my books. My first three novels were about to be published, practically at the same time. I was reluctant to open myself up to a loss of privacy. And I already knew that my interest in technological connections was very low. After all, I had just finished reading Hari’s book explaining that artificial connections were not improving mental health or happiness. To be honest, for the first month I was unsure why I had been reluctant to go on social media. Yes, there is a lot of silliness, even filth, on Facebook. But I was reaching out to and communicating with people I had not seen in years, even decades. I continue to go on Facebook four years later because, hidden within the obsessive redundancy, blatant advertising, and obvious theft of privacy are nuggets of soul food. If you spend too much time on it, it can be detrimental, but if you look at it in the right way, it is a wonderful resource. Just not for human connections.

Far more satisfying was the start of our small winemaking group. In the midst of the pandemic, a few of us found true connections because of a shared passion. A sense of community occurred when we gathered to make and drink wine. The groups on social media could not create the same sense of happiness that mingling with a few good friends brings. If you want a real connection, join a club. Volunteer. Attend church or community events. Especially if you are introverted and socially uncomfortable like I am.

The Healing Project is about creating connections. Human connections can heal… and save lives. When we focus our energy on the goodness of humanity, improving our happiness, finding and fulfilling our purpose, helping others achieve dreams even as we work toward ours, and strengthening our connections… we are following our healing projects.

Connections can only be built or rebuilt with honest communication. As we learned in the last chapter, honesty is integral to restoring trust. It is also an important part of healing.

When we lie to ourselves or to others, we introduce an inaccuracy that blocks healing. Honesty is vital to all types of healing. We cannot lie about our physical diet or exercise regimen, our emotional discomforts, our psychological realities, our spiritual introspection, or anything that inhibits growth or happiness. 

Just as trustworthiness and integrity begin with two people, so too do connections. You… and me. A solid foundation is necessary for connections or else they will falter and die. Honesty and integrity can be painful, especially when acknowledging a shortcoming or previous failure. But the trust that is created is stronger and less apt to crumble.

The past few years have put strains on almost all relationships. Families and friends have been torn apart by politics and ideologies that have less to do with reality than most realize. I have had friends tell me that they no longer talk to certain family members because they disagreed about “vaccination” for covid. I heard others say that they cannot go to holiday meals because arguments about political differences cause too much distress.

Such stories sadden me because they are unnecessary. Some of my closest friends do not have the same political affiliations or beliefs that I do. We can have an amazing time without discussing covid boosters, abortion, or whether one politician (who we have never met) is better for the country than another (who we have also never met.) Even if we have strong views on certain subjects, we must let our common interests bind us.

Do I think that suppressing important beliefs is necessary for good bonds? Absolutely not. I think it is healing to share your beliefs… and to assess them as you would if they were your dreams. I have very strong feelings about freedom and liberty. I am not willing to give up these ideals just to get along or to make a connection. But being completely disinclined to compromise certain principles doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t discuss them with others. Even make new connections because of them. Life is about give and take. Often, it is also about sharing ideas.

Over nearly two decades of marriage, I have discovered that my wife has different interests than I do. She doesn’t like to share her political thoughts. I could talk for hours about mine. So, when I am feeling particularly political, I turn to someone else. Someone who is as passionate about the topic as I am. That doesn’t lessen the bond that I have with my wife. And it strengthens the connections I have with others.

The Healing Project is about connections, not politics. Not religion. Not science. Not vices or virtues. It doesn’t matter what side of the political aisle you are on. It doesn’t matter if you think of yourself as a victim or a conqueror. It doesn’t matter if you are laden with fear or the freest soul in the universe. It doesn’t matter if you are closed minded or willing to change your beliefs to get along. But The Healing Project will include political, spiritual, and a variety of other details because it is about humans… and those things are important to humans. Obviously, it is easier for like-minded people to connect or reconnect. But there are sufficient commonalities among us… no matter age, ethnicity, culture, geographic origin, or worldview. We should be able to connect with anyone on some topic or another.

I read today that a smile transcends language, ethnicity, and culture. It’s always a good place to start.

In order to create a true connection, we must listen and communicate. Open your ears to the truth… and close your mouth to unwarranted judgement. Expose the liars with honesty and strength. Debate your beliefs in a reasonable and calm manner. Agree to disagree if you must. But don’t let your disagreement cause hatred or rash action that is unretractable. We must not tolerate those who tear us apart. I urge you to outline your beliefs so meticulously that you can share them easily. And if you discover that you are wrong… admit it and move on.

Share your beliefs, but never force them on another even if they are willing to accept them.

Hari’s book Stolen Focus detailed how tech companies specifically used human psychology to get us addicted to various technological innovations. Social media companies want us to stay on, to keep scrolling. Specific changes were made to platforms and websites to draw and keep our attention.

Unfortunately, the benefits to our lives do not outweigh the costs. Our attention spans and our focus have been adversely affected by the very technology that is supposed to improve our lives. Not only does this technology interfere with our human-to-human connections, but it makes it harder for us to live meaningful lives. Healthy lives. 

I admit that I do not see modern technology as liberating. I think it causes more problems than it solves. Hari’s book explains this far better than I can. But we have to be realistic. This technology isn’t just going to go away, even if we want it to. Most humans, even in poorer countries, have access to cell phones and the internet. You likely have seen the half-joking predictions that humans will evolve a lowered gaze and maybe even grow a cell phone case in place of one hand.

I often think that the best place for technology is in healthcare. Diagnosing illness is not as precise as it could be. Robotics and imaging technology have vastly improved the industry, but still there remains an issue of trust. And cost. Reading through my grandmother’s diary from the late 1930s, she was both visited by and went to doctor’s offices and seemed to have a lot of information garnered without costly testing. But, if it helps, then it should be utilized.

Technology’s influence on our lives is changing more than just our connections.

Humans naturally want to connect to other humans. It’s hardwired into our beings. Not all those connections, when looked at over the course of our existence, have benefited everyone. Some concepts that helped early humans survive… like prejudice and tribalism… transformed into racism, classism and despotism. Modern humans have attacked these problems in attempts to change them and, while there have been some successes, there have been just as many obvious failures. The revolutions and counter revolutions, ideological subversion and sabotage, and shattering of truths have left us divided. Perhaps more so than at any point in our history.

The digital age, led by Big Tech, offered us ways to reconnect. They presented a vision of lofty possibilities. One world, they preach. Come join us and prosper. Unfortunately, there are flaws in their system. I think the price is too high. I cannot exchange my freedom for a glimpse of Eden… when my soul tells me I can be free and gain Eden too.

I believe it is in our vital interest to reconnect. It’s imperative that we build networks and human-to-human bonds that are more than safety nets. These must be social structures that improve our existence and allow us to dream, create and help everyone fulfill their grandest visions. It is why we are alive.

Over the past century, our family structure and societal narrative have been attacked. Societies should adapt, should progress to include new realities. But we mustn’t cast aside sound ideas just to appeal to an agenda of change. The destruction of the traditional family, in my opinion, has caused numerous problems. Our focus on a diversity of appearance, while pushing universal thoughts and conformity, undermines the foundation of our humanity. We should honor our differences, fortify the family structure, strengthen our personal identities and recognize our commonality all at the same time.

This isn’t an us-vs-them proposal. This is about sharing a vision of betterment by having diversity of thought. And it must be done without sacrificing liberty.

Every breath is sacred. Life is something that should be celebrated, not just endured. We are not slaves. We are not masters. We are one. Our structures provide stability so that we can flourish.

Technology is not our savior. It will not free us to achieve grand things. It is more apt to devolve into a feudal system. Those on the top are the masters. Everyone else is a puppet. We are energy feeding their machinations. We give them our strength. It’s a natural order, but it doesn’t need to be. It does no good to blame Big Tech. Their instincts are fulfilled, and we get some small sense of empowerment, even though, in truth, we are subjugated.

This is not a declaration of independence from tech slavery. Nor is it a proposal of war against its tyranny. It’s a simple statement that you (and I) have the power within you to limit the influence it has on your life. Liberty is never easy to wrest away from an oppressor. Freedom is never easy to maintain. But it is possible.

Tech leaders feed us a vision of grandeur. They tell us that we can connect inside their realm. In truth, they offer everything we want. They promise us that we can create a better world together. Our hearts and our souls recognize the amazing possibilities, and we respond with hope.

But why am I reminded of the devil tempting Christ or the serpent trying to sell Godhood to those already living in Eden? Big Tech cannot give us the world… even if we bow down and worship them. They will continually lie to keep us on an unequal footing.

Reconnecting with fellow humans cannot be done by accepting their terms. We cannot be healed by eating the apple… or by giving up our freedom, our liberty, or our right to privacy. We will not reconnect by posting platitudes, memes or funny pictures. These are our own micro-pharmaceuticals… our addictions. They make us feel alive for a moment. We smile. We get angry. We endure a tug of sadness. Yes, these are the elements of life… but they are controlled. Not all of it is real.

So, to connect in a meaningful way, it must occur beyond the confines of Big Tech’s virtual reality. I’m not sure how I am going to do it, but my goal is to become more connected to people and less connected to modern communication technology. I do not desire to become a hermit. Nor do I wish to be continually observed, chastised or pushed in directions my soul does not wish to go.

When I first contemplated the Healing Project, I believed that social media could be used to spread the word, to share ideas and even to facilitate our healing. I still think it technology can assist us with the first two objectives, but true connections and true healing can only occur beyond Big Tech’s grasp.

The independent soul must thrive despite attempts to hold it back. It will make its own path toward healing.

I completely understand the irony, even the hypocrisy of sharing this book on-line. 

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Dennis Lantz is the author of Zander's Tale. The Spiders of Eden, and the Pine Street Trilogy (Pine Street and the Mighty Mutation Circus, Pine Street and the Dino-Beast Clones, and Pine Street and the Mirrors of Freedom.) His nonfiction Summer in Gentlewoods uses journal entries to tell the real-life adventure of living in a primitive shelter in the woods of his family farm.

Dennis and his wife, Christy, live in Warren Center, Pennsylvania. They share their home with Austin, a Texas rescue who is a cross between a Jack Russell and an angel.

For more information visit www.dennislantz.com or follow Dennis Lantz Books on Facebook.